Turns out I'm incredibly afraid of snakes.
Yesterday afternoon I was walking through my basement when I passed by a 3 foot long black snake. It took me so long to process this information that it wasn't until I was in the next room that I suddenly froze, realized that that was a pretty big fucking snake IN MY HOUSE, and just started screaming...because I'm a wuss, you see.
Since no one else in the family wanted to deal with the situation (including my 30 year old brother) we actually decided to call my 93 year old grandfather who, I should mention, we grew up referring to as "the man."
For instance, he customarily takes care of large wasp nests by hitting them with a baseball bat.
My personal favorite example, though, is how, only a couple years ago, he ran into a burglar in his kitchen one night. At the time my grandfather was completely nude and just up to get a glass of water. Apparently he immediately pounced upon this poor burglar who was barely able to crawl back out the window while an 87 year old naked man was wailing on him.
When my grandfather came over the first thing he said was "I don't get it, why don't you just pick the thing up and put it in a bag?" He was completely serious.
Anyway.
After my grandfather and I couldn't find it (and instead managed to find about three or four ashtrays I had hidden over the years), we had to call animal control (didn't even know "animal control" existed). Luckily this woman DID find it (behind a piano) and thought that it was "the biggest garter snake" she had ever seen.
So that was yesterday's excitement. I really need to find a job. Or buy a book.
Speaking of which I bought this for my dad for Father's Day. I think that I was so dazzled by the "cleverness" of the joke gift (he's a raging republican, you see) that I completely overlooked the fact that I actually just gave money to Ann Coulter. Ugh.
Also, I keep creating and then deleting new blogs to replace this one. So far there seem to be three leading candidates for names:
Since no one else in the family wanted to deal with the situation (including my 30 year old brother) we actually decided to call my 93 year old grandfather who, I should mention, we grew up referring to as "the man."
For instance, he customarily takes care of large wasp nests by hitting them with a baseball bat.
My personal favorite example, though, is how, only a couple years ago, he ran into a burglar in his kitchen one night. At the time my grandfather was completely nude and just up to get a glass of water. Apparently he immediately pounced upon this poor burglar who was barely able to crawl back out the window while an 87 year old naked man was wailing on him.
When my grandfather came over the first thing he said was "I don't get it, why don't you just pick the thing up and put it in a bag?" He was completely serious.
Anyway.
After my grandfather and I couldn't find it (and instead managed to find about three or four ashtrays I had hidden over the years), we had to call animal control (didn't even know "animal control" existed). Luckily this woman DID find it (behind a piano) and thought that it was "the biggest garter snake" she had ever seen.
So that was yesterday's excitement. I really need to find a job. Or buy a book.
Speaking of which I bought this for my dad for Father's Day. I think that I was so dazzled by the "cleverness" of the joke gift (he's a raging republican, you see) that I completely overlooked the fact that I actually just gave money to Ann Coulter. Ugh.
Also, I keep creating and then deleting new blogs to replace this one. So far there seem to be three leading candidates for names:
- Semiotics of the Bitchin'
- Annie Get Your Pun
- Neverland Raunch
posted by Annie at 12:06 PM
1 Comments:
thank god for grand pa. I know if you call animal control in texas to pick up a snake. You have to keep visual contact of the snake or they will not come.
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