Friday, March 25, 2005

Make it a Lundgren Night.


It's Jesus time!
Originally uploaded by swarthbore.
Well, it's Friday again, and that means it's time for me to propose yet another ridiculous plan for the evening that will inevitably (and rightly so in most cases) be rejected.

So here it is. Bust out the swedish meatballs and protein shake daiquiris. I submit for the approval of the Midnight Society: The Dolph Lundgren Film Festival.

Why Dolph?
- A life full of acheivement: he was accepted to MIT...AND was engaged to Grace Jones at one point. Imagine dating Grace Jones. That would be terrifying.
- His movies are, on the whole, utterly ridiculous.
- Why the hell not?


1. Johnny Mnemonic
In this fine film Dolph plays, to perfection I might add, an assassin/cyberpunk/Jesus look-a-like (complete with a sword in the shape of a cross - see photo on right). His catchphrase in this movie is "It's Jesus time!" - I kid you not.

2. Masters of the Universe
No one can tell me that this movie isn't pervy as hell.
Okay, my love for this movie has already been thoroughly documented. Scenes like the one pictured here speak for themselves.
No Comment.
This movie gives you the satisfaction of know that, YES, this MUST have been what the filmmakers intended. You aren't just being a 12 year old boy and reading too much into the movie just so that you can make some flimsy naughty joke. No, this movie lets it all hang out, so to speak.

3. Rocky IV
In Soviet Russia blood pressure tests YOU!
At least just watch the training montage in this movie - it's one of the best ever made - writing a description that could do it justice would just take too long. It's Rocky vs. Communism here, and it is WONDERFUL. The cherry on top of this propaganda sundae is that Rocky's family inexplicably has a robot. You know, robots fucking HATE communism.

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